


In the Dark of an apocalypse, find your Spark.

by sparkybun210



Series: Find the Sparks in the Dark [1]
Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Genre: F/F, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:40:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25378549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparkybun210/pseuds/sparkybun210
Summary: Zombies exist oh no-Renee Blasey and Elliot Witt work together to survive and stumble upon other struggling survivors, through betrayal, trust, and love the group does what they can to surviveThis sounds cheesy idk what else to say really I dont do summaries much-
Relationships: Bangalore | Anita Williams/Lifeline | Ajay Che, Wattson | Natalie Paquette/Wraith | Renee Blasey
Series: Find the Sparks in the Dark [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1837837
Comments: 3
Kudos: 69





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> First time posting here! Forgive me-

Screaming.   
It all just happened suddenly.   
I was bound per usual. Stuck in my cell by the scientists. I couldn't hear particularly much. I don't know how long I've been here, I don't remember anything else. It's the only life I've known now, but everything shattered.   
Alarms blared red, people screamed, primal guttural howls could be heard.   
What was happening?   
I struggled to my feet, still dizzy from my shots earlier, my skin and muscles in my bicep ached painfully from the needles. Through the glass I saw people getting chased, blood spilled on walls and floors. The pristine white now splattered. Moving to my only source of sight, I saw people being chased by… others? They didn't look right. Covered in blood with torn clothes, their skin pale and eyes dead. Those werent people. Or they were. Someone ran up to me and pounded the glass with their fists, eyes wide in terror as they pleaded for help. Obviously I couldnt do anything and just stepped back and one of those things attacked them. The sight of someone being mauled alive by what was a person is forever burned in my mind, the screaming felt like it lasted forever until their vocal cords were ripped out by the things teeth.   
I was already backed up to the center of my room. My chest swelled with quick panicked breaths. How the hell was I going to get out of here?!   
Eventually the monster was full I guess, somehow those dead eyes focused on me and it started to slam its arms against the bloody glass. The horrible deathly moans it let out. I knew that scientist, I knew them before… this. They were one of the ones that checked my vitals. That couldnt have been too long ago, maybe a few hours? Was this just a dream?

Breath slowly. Get ready to fight. 

The voices… They kept me up for days, they never seemed to quiet and now they wouldn't either. I don't know what they expected from me. I don't even know what they are but their advice wasn't very fucking helpful right now.   
Suddenly a woman ran by and screamed, the beast in front and the others that I just noticed lingering around the other cells heard her and started to follow. Okay they can be easily distracted… This is hell. 

Make your move. The glass is weak, you can escape. They will die when their brain is destroyed. 

The alarms and screaming mixed with the voices were like needles through my skull. I gripped my shaven head and shook it violently, scraping my skin with my nails to bring me to the present. Every word was a hot nail through my skull but I had no choice. Shaking my arms I prepared before slamming my shoulder against the glass, looking around to see if I attracted anything before continuing.   
I charged at it one last time and it shattered. Broken pieces falling to the floor. I grabbed a relatively big one with a sharp edge, trying to avoid getting glass in my foot before quietly walking around the lab. Bodies were all around, gunshots could be heard in the distance. The worse thing? I saw the mauled dead rise. The reason those things looked dead was because they were. The cold tiles froze my feet, trying to avoid the red sticky pools of blood. I kept my ears keen, the voices piping in to guide me. Left of this hall, hide behind the couch, make a turn here. Why were they helping? Who knows if they were leading me to my death or not, it's all I had. By staying silent and moving quietly I avoided most of the dead, I had to hold the glass shard gently or else itd cut into my skin, I'm sure if I have to use it I'll definitely get sliced. This thing doesn't have many charges. 

Enter the room. 

I turned to my left, holding my head from the pounding headache. They talked constantly, only sometimes were the words clear enough for me to understand, but now it was back to gumbled repeated talking, overlapping and multiple talking at once. I gingerly reach for the doorknob. There wasn't anyway to see in, just white walls. There was blood on the handle as I opened it. The darkness was overwhelming as I blinked several times to adjust. The hairs on my arms suddenly stood up. 

You aren't alone.

I froze standing still before I nearly heard it too late, a guttural howl again from the dead.

To your right


	2. The beginning

Renee jumped awake in a cold sweat. Her breathing was quick and heavy as she tried to calm down, leaning to her side and supporting herself with her arms. She fell asleep while she was keeping watch. Renee sighed, finally calming down, but her face was still beaded with sweat as she sat back.   
The moon was high in the sky, the stars started to slowly come back from decades of light pollution. Already pushing nearly two years since the world fell and the dead walked. She looked at the gun in her hands, and the kunai strapped to her thigh. It was a gift from her friend. Elliot Witt. Funny name for someone who has less balls than a girl. He was laying on the ground in his sleeping bag and Renee was suppose to be making sure those creeps didn't get in. They were inside an old house up on some hill. It wasn't the best place to spend the night but it was still better than being out there. With a few traps and modifications they were able to make it safe and stay up on the second floor. Renee insisted they stay out of the rooms to prevent being cornered, instead staying in a small living area with a few windows to be able to keep view. Some walkers (what Elliot insisted on calling them) passed by but nothing terrible. Sadly they weren't the biggest threat. Ever since the world went to shit, humans decided it was survival of the fittest. Groups of people were dangerous but safe. Her and Elliott had one. Had. Renee gripped the hilt of her kunai just thinking about it. That's how she met the blubbering bastard. As much as he made her angry… he wasn't bad to have around. So she hasn't killed him yet really.   
The girl sighed and rested her head against the wall, closing her eyes. A voice spoke in her mind, 

He's standing over you.

Causing her to whip her eyes open, her body moving quicker than her mind as she pinned the figure to the floor, her forearm against their chest and kunai at the throat. 

"Wo-Woah! Jumpy!" Elliot raised his hands in surrender. For a rugged man who knew this woman for a year, you'd think he'd know to not do the one thing she said to do. Scare her. Or try to. Normally the voices warn her before he pulls anything. If only they could be more descriptive next time. Renee growled at the man, pushing her arm against him before sheathing the kunai. 

"Elliot goddamnit I swear one day I'm going to actually kill you." Renee got off him and scowled. Elliot rubbed his throat with one hand before nervously chuckling. His beard was somehow well shaven, Renee didn't know how as there isnt exactly razors available, short hair with an under shave and a bit of a scarred face. He had a decent rugged look. Others would call him a lady killer but Renee didn't agree. Sure they dated for a bit but it was a big mistake, at least now they weren't awkward about it. Side note: Beards are terrible to kiss, she hated it and nearly shaved him in the night once. 

"I was just checking in! No need to go all stabby on me… You didn't wake me to cover for you, we gotta switch shifts. You aren't a robot that doesn't need sleep." He looked at her concerned, causing Renee to just sigh. 

"I told you. Sleeping-" 

"Is hard and full of nightmares? Hey you aren't the only one. But you do have serious eye bags, so lay down and get rest. I'll make sure we live!" Witt had a way to make things seem possible at least. With a mild glare Ren rubbed her eyes. Maybe she could try some sleep… With a goodnight, she got into her old sleeping bag. It was tattered and must but it worked. Elliot was the only person she trusted enough to sleep around, but it did take her awhile since she knew he was awake. Guess not everything can be overcome yet. Eventually her eyelids were heavy and after another blink, they didn't open, but her hand never moved from the hilt of her knife even in slumber. 

Morning soon came, the duo packed their camp and started off again. Renee's hair grew since her time… Before. No one knows what life she had before the apocalypse and she planned to keep it that way. Her hair was short but grown a decent amount when she met Elliot, but now it reached her shoulders. With a hair tie in her mouth her arms reached back to set it up in a bun. He actually taught her how to do it. He didn't question why she didn't know, he just saw her struggling and offered to. Apparently he knew because he did it for his mom all the time, she didn't remember how so he would put it up for her. He still carried spare hair ties, gave her the one she was currently using. After getting her hair up, Renee adjusted her backpack straps, they were making their way to a city in the distance. Elliot kept a hunting rifle and pistol with a machete strapped to his leg for a load out. Renee preferred however to have several knives, two in her boots, one on her thigh, kunai on her other, and a large hunting knife on her waist. There were several more hidden knives just in case. She was cautious, Elliot says she's stabby. If that wasn't enough, she had a holstered sawed off shotgun and revolver paired with a sniper rifle. Yeah she liked to be armed. Most of her gear was gathered from either people she killed or picked off corpses. 

"Do you ever get poked by your knives?" Elliot piped up, he wanted to make conversation. Great for him. Ren rolled her eyes, rubbing the wrappings on her forearm. There was a knife there, but that's not why she had it. It covered a mark from her past, she wanted it covered, luckily she got off with it as another knife sheath. 

"They're knives Elliot." 

"Well yeah, but I mean come on, you aren't a blender Ren, you don't need so many blades!" He laughed a little at his own joke. "Get it? Ha, cause… they have.. a lot of blades.." 

"Don't call me Ren." Renee muttered, staring ahead as they finally met pavement, walking along a sidewalk with their eyes peeled. Elliot just sighed and followed, he got used to her dark and cold behavior. Which she thought was good because like hell she'd change. 

They didn't find many things as they searched. The was a bit run down, but nothing out of the usual. Renee still stayed on edge, her hand near the grip of her gun. She finally started to manage the voices these past years, they wanted to help but weren't very good at it. All they did was cause anxiety and headaches.   
Another thing she liked about Witt. He never questioned her almost inhuman reflexes, which was helpful because otherwise if he did she would've left him for the walkers.   
The sun was warm on them, Ren had her tank top and black men's jeans (it had pockets and was baggy) with leather boots. Elliot, however, had decided to put his nice brown leather jacket up (it was good to avoid getting bit) instead just wearing a white sports shirt and his dark denim pants, of course wearing boots as well. How he kept the shirt relatively clean is a mystery to her but not one she cared about. 

After another failed search, they walked out of the destroyed store, renee sighing and pinching the bridge of her nose. Elliot almost was about to say another comment before the voices spoke again.

Walkers. 

Renee quickly covered his mouth and looked around, a group of maybe ten had stumbled by out of nowhere. They were maybe a good three hundred meters away. She nudged him to look and his eyes widened before glaring at them.   
The two crouched low and moved away from them, hiding behind a car and trying to discuss a plan in hushed whispers. 

"Theres not much we can do here. Avoiding a fight would be wise but I don't know if we can." Renee murmured as Elliot rubbed his chin. If things werent bad enough, the voices spoke again, but this time what they said made Ren's blood turn cold in her veins, widening her eyes in fear. 

Someone's watching you. 

She whipped her head around to look, but nothing. Elliot's eyes widened as well in worry.   
"What's wrong?? Hear something?" He whispered quietly, but it was like Renee couldn't hear him. She kept looking around, wanting to yell at the voices who it was but they didn't work like that. They never worked for her. Only just to be a shitty guide in this shitty world. Renee almost managed to brush it off a bit before out of the corner of her eye she saw movement. She turned her head quickly and scanned where it was.   
A figure in the distance moved behind cover, causing Renee to scowl, pushing away her fear as she wanted to curl into a ball. If that was someone from their old group… No. It's impossible they couldn't have found them. 

"We are being watched." She whispered urgently, pointing to where she saw it, but there wasn't any signs. 

"Whatever it was, we need to move now!" Elliot whisper shouted, and Ren knew he was right, the smell of rotten flesh was stronger. You could never get used to the smell… She cursed under her breath as Elliot grabbed a rock and quickly tossed it over the car, shattering a window from a store they passed earlier. Renee turned to glare daggers into him. 

"I wasn't aiming! Look they're distracted!" He was right about that, but Ren still punched his shoulder as they stayed crouching and made their way across the street, even in boots Renee's steps were quiet. She felt uneasy as they moved to where she saw the figure, but there was no way to tell if it was a human or not. Besides, their only option was down that street.   
Being out without any cover made Renee's skin crawl in anxiety, no cover wasn't good. Sure she had the voices, but they weren't something to heavily rely on. Hell she barely relied on them in general. The crowd of dead was maybe 600 meters now, good. They have distance. They stood up and walked the rest of the way. The stores here seemed picked too. 

Behind the car. 

Renee gripped her head and grabbed the hilt of her gun as she quickly turned her head to the right, looking at an old abandoned green car, it ran over a stop sign, the metal was bent and broken off so just the pole jutting out of the ground was left. In the dirty window she saw the figure more clearly, but it was just their blonde hair as they ducked out of sight. Renee elbowed Elliot hard as she pulled her revolver up and aimed at the car, nodding her head to the car. She mouthed the word "Person" and he understood and grabbed his pistol from his belt. 

Slowly the two approached the green car, Elliot stayed on the outside and Renee walked around the front. She aimed to see a girl in a faded orange hoodie, jeans and beat up sneakers. She had one hell of a scar spiderwebbed on the left side of her face, no doubt further covering her body. Deep blue eyes met her own, Ren's were dull and white compared to the rich color of the girl's. She had short fluffy blonde hair and a bag slung over her shoulder. Her eyes widened seeing Renee suddenly there, she tried to back up while keeping an eye on her, but there was broken glass on the ground, her shoe caught on it and she slipped back.   
The smaller girl cried in pain, she fell back on that stop sign pole. Someone cut it to use either as parts or a weapon, and the metal was sharp enough to cut through her hoodie, blood pooling in her shadow under her.   
It happened so fast Renee didn't even know how to react as she whined in pain, mumbling in some foreign language and struggling to move, her struggles however moved the pole deeper in.   
Ren was stuck staring before hearing the unmistakable moans of the dead. She shook her head and holstered her weapon with a sigh.   
"Come on El." She murmured, turning around and walking away. 

Elliot fumbled for words, staring at Renee dumbfounded. "We can't leave her!" He yelled slightly at her as she started to walk away. The blonde cried in pain but tried to move from Elliot, hurting herself more. "Hey its okay…" he tried to speak softly to her but she must have been resisting. Elliot called Renee again.  
The girl turned to them with a stone cold look, not even softening slightly.   
"Elliot, the walkers will be here soon, there's no point when she's dying. We can get good distance if we travel now and leave her." The injured girl glared at her with tears in her eyes, Elliot glaring at Renee as well.


	3. Morning sun

The sirens. They blared so loudly. I had to cover my ears as Papa led me. The screaming. I felt myself shutting down. Cursed autism. I couldn't function. The copper stench of blood made me gag, everything was so heightened.   
This wasn't fair. Today was the day. Papa and I were going to change the world. Somewhere else though, someone in the lab failed their experiment. The sirens were from it escaping. Papa told her don't work with him. He said it was dangerous and the men were not kind. He wasn't lying. Dr. Nox ran with us, trying to help. Papa was talking to me, but I couldn't hear him. White noise blared with the sirens.   
I don't remember much from that day.   
The experiments caught up. They weren't the orignal subjects. I only knew the subjects as my coworker had the assignment. I didn't like it. They showed me with pride, the brainless dead walking. I hated them, it was wrong, their eyes were white and the light gone. Whatever or whoever that was, they weren't there. I didn't want to know how they got the bodies…   
I didn't speak to the coworker after that.   
But now with their failure the creatures were out. People I knew, the people I worked with and saw every day were now mindless and dead. I watched the people who were so kind tear eachother apart. Their screams haunt me.   
Dr Smith was one of my favorites. She was so nice to me, she gave me a nessie on my birthday. Smith had pretty brunette hair and smelled like lavender. Papa had to make me look away as I heard her scream for help. The experiments tore into her and ate her alive. We nearly escaped the labs.   
We almost were home free.   
Running through the white walls, I managed to get to my senses and run with him. He spoke softly to me in French and urged me on. I didn't hear his words but the gesture and noise soothed me. I remember heading to the second exit, the first was shut down. But this one was secret. Only high members could use it.   
But something was wrong as we reached the elevators.. I pressed the button frantically, something killed the power. Or someone did. It wouldn't come down, and there were no emergency lights. But I had a plan. I led Papa with me, we had to reach the power room. Screams still echoed but I ignored them this time and breathed as I battled with myself and didn't pay attention.   
I kick myself for not noticing, it was so obvious.   
We reached the room and I swiped my key card quickly, I should've looked before I busted through the door. I should've been quiet. So many things I've failed…   
I didn't hear the noise, the smell of copper was too overwhelming with the screams. Papa tackled me down to the ice cold floor as I heard the growl and saw something move fast in the dark. It was one of the security men. Was one. He was like the others. Officer Daniel was it? He used to tell me jokes and they always made me laugh. Now his gear was bloody. And he attacked Papa. I was on my back, breathing quickly and backing up as my mind tried to figure out what I was seeing. It was dark but they were fighting, Officer Daniel's gun was to my right as they fought on the left. Just a few feet. Still crawling on the floor I tried to reach the gun. I kept looking at them, Papa was weaker, he was old, and not in the best shape. I leapt to my stomach to grab it, in my panic I dropped it before picking it up again. The weight was heavier than I thought it was. Shifting back onto my back, I was stuck watching the struggle. Papa was trying to keep him off but his arms were shaking. My arms shook, how could I shoot?! They were too close- I could hit Papa! I couldn't breath.   
I was too late. I waited too long. I was too scared.   
Hearing Papa scream and the sound of his flesh being torn into was the most horrible sound.   
Daniel overpowered him. He bit his arm hard. Papa managed to shift him away enough for me to take the shot. The recoil hit harder than I expected and my ears ringed horribly. Dropping the gun immediately to cover my ears as I cried.   
Papa was bit.   
It was all my fault. 

Natalie struggled on the pole. The pain was indescribable, it flared throughout her entire torso and waist. It didn't go all the way through thank god, but it was deep, right about her pelvic bone just left of her spine. The sticky warm red liquid soaked her back. The man with the trimmed beard and kind brown eyes was trying to help her. Holding her up slightly so gravity doesn't pull her further down and completely go through. All she could think of was the pain, hearing the shambling walkers approach. In front of her was the woman with the noir hair in a high bun and cold icy eyes. She was quite fit and intimidating compared to the kinder man. She couldn't focus on the conversation, but heard bits and pieces. She wanted to leave Natalie to die to the walkers, let her be eaten alive. That terrified her, she didn't want to be them, she still had nightmares about her Papa. 

Nat tried to keep her eyes open, but her head felt fuzzy and started blacking out. Blood loss. She hated being human. It wasn't simple to fix one. You couldn't just replace a part, get hurt bad enough and they are broken for life. You couldn't just replace one either. It was cruel but that was how the world worked. The man kept insisting, the morte flashed into view slightly before everything went black.   
At least she wouldn't be awake, maybe death would be peaceful this way. Maybe she would see Papa again…

Alas, that is not what the world wanted. Her eyes fluttered open, trees were above her, was it still day? Where was she? She felt like it was a dream, her body swayed. She must've been moving, or something was moving her. Natalie's brain slowly began to regain consciousness, the gears slowly started to turn. She heard the soft tweets of birds and the sounds of the woods, crunching of shoes on sticks and fallen leaves. Her brain registered voices as well. 

"If she comes alive and bites me, I'm going to blow out your kneecap." A stern female voice, it was raspy a bit, but still light. 

"Come on! Have faith would ya? She didn't lose that much blood." A male this time, his voice was light and cheerful, was it the two before? 

Natalie groaned and rubbed her head, trying to keep her eyes open. She was being carried by the girl from before. The one that wanted to leave her to die. They saved her? She looked down at Nat with surprise before snorting.

"She's actually awake." The girl's voice stayed monotone, not really caring. The man from before who helped her came into view, walking along the woman. 

"Mornin! I told you Renee shed make it." He playfully shoved her, Renee huh? "You've been out a whole day! I'm Elliot and this my partner Renee-" 

"Don't say it like that, you make it sound like we're dating." She scowled at him, shaking her head. Natalie looked around more, she was being held bridal style. She must not weigh anything to the woman as she carried her with ease, her muscles weren't even straining. Nat shook her head as her thoughts wandered. 

"Na-Natalie Paquette…" She croaked out, Nat just realised how dry her throat was. 

"Does your bag have water in it?" Elliot asked, moving her backpack from his shoulder. Wasn't like she could carry it right now anyways. Nat nodded in response and he looked around on the outside before finding a canteen of water, opening it. Renee stopped as Elliot handed Natalie her canteen, she drinked greedily before handing it back, she was beyond parched. Nat managed to get a hold of her surroundings, she was still in so much pain, with how her wound was she wouldn't be able to walk for a while.   
Elliot took it back and put it with her stuff again, sling the bag once more over his shoulders as they started to walk again. Her head kept throbbing, looking around the forest area. Natalie couldn't piece together where she was even, it felt like a dream, but the only way she knew it was real was from the pain and the strong arms holding her. Elliot walked ahead to scout out, Renee looking around a bit awkward before sighing.   
"I'm sorry about earlier. It was rude of me but I thought the pole was much deeper with more damage caused. I'm glad you're fine." She spoke softly, glancing at Natalie once or twice, she didn't make eye contact. It's not like Nat would immediately be able to forgive her, but hating her was hard. It was a simple mistake, and if it was her? She would've honestly left them… Yeesh now she feels bad… Before maybe she would've helped, but things really do change you in this world.   
The girl responded with a nod to her apology, leaning back a little to rest. She didn't have any choice but to trust them, and hopefully it would be right to do that. It was a bit nice to be carried by someone, it's been too long since she's had human touch. 

Maybe this was going to be nice.


	4. Brutality of Humanity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Humans are the real monsters, arent they?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry haven't been posting absjsbd ill try to post more! Also warning! Rape is mentioned and slightlt but not too deeply described! You've been warned! Also gore-

It was quiet, more than Renee liked. The voices were calmer than normal as well. It has been a few weeks since they saved the blonde girl, Natalie was it? Renee didn’t know how to feel about her… Don't get her wrong, Nat was a sweet girl. It took her awhile to warm up of course and Renee didn’t blame her. She was intimidating for a reason. But her and Elliot got along well, and she did her best to befriend Ren. (She didn’t understand why the girl would ever want to after what she did, or well wanted to do..) Either way Renee personally didn’t want to warm up to her. She had trust issues and for good reasons. Something about the girl threw her off… She seemed eerily familiar… But Renee couldn’t place where she could’ve met her before. The girl sighs and pulls out her kunai. It was late at night, the moon shone high in the air and painted the dark suburbs with silver light, she didn’t hear anything, not one groaning infected, nothing. Only the crackle of their fire and the soft hum of Natalie’s devices.   
That was another thing.   
The girl was a genius. In her back she mostly carried scrap and tools, barely anything for her personal self, Renee doesn’t understand how she walks with a skip in her step with such a heavy bag. Not to mention the powerful crossbow she used, the drawstring was heavy but the blonde pulled it back effortlessly. She managed to attach something to the bolts so when they hit their targets it eletrifies them, making every shot an instant kill. Renee could only wonder what that’d do to human flesh… How she charged the devices was by this contraption she made, Natalie went on and on about the description, but Renee wasn’t fully listening, she was mostly studying her. Elliot joked she was checking her out and she punched him. It wasn’t her fault Nat’s eyes were like blue oceans, the way she moved and talked was interesting. If she was explaining something or they were all just talking she would be messing with something in her hands, she kept a toy plush Nessie in her bag even after Renee tried to explain it was useless to carry. That girl had to be the most stubborn person Ren has met yet, and Ajay, a combat medic she ran into before, was hella stubborn too! It infuriated her how she wouldn’t listen sometimes and pouted like a child. Elliot seemed to keep the peace a lot though.  
Renee sighed softly and looked at her companions, she forgot to mention they both snored. At least Natalie’s were quiet and cute (Wait did she just call her cute?), Elliot however snored LOUDLY and Renee swears one day he’s going to attract the infected with it. He’d always laugh it off and say Renee would kill them off easily and kill him herself. It was completely true but still she was annoyed with it. Against her will and even though she would never admit it out loud… These two became the only things she cared about, and that's something as she didn’t even care about herself obviously. Natalie and Elliot were too sweet for this harsh world they were stuck in, and Renee felt guilty some days, so she did her best to protect them. She owed Elliot that much, even if she was harsh on him she owed him her life. He helped her and saved her ass a lot, how could she not? Especially during that one night… That's when she vowed to stick with him. 

It was almost forever ago, but the wounds were still fresh around that night… My hair had barely started growing, it was short and boyish, the group that took me in mostly teased me about it except Elliot. He was a sweet guy, offering to help me more than I expected as I had forgotten everything. I just said I had amnesia is all and he seemed to not mind, mentioning his mother.   
It was late when it happened, I was stupid, so stupid. Some of the group were out, something about gathering supplies and Elliot went with them. There weren’t any girls in the group, it was kinda large for the apocalypse, bunch of buddies. I already didn’t trust the two I was with.. Daniel and Terrance. Why didn’t I just stay awake? I was so stupid… We were walking all day, fighting a few groups of infected, I just felt so exhausted, I just wanted a small nap, a few hours of sleep.   
But no. I woke half conscious with those creeps grinning at me, Daniel holding me back as I wasn’t as strong as I am now but I packed one hell of a fucking punch. I could feel cold air on my thighs and my jeans being pulled down. I would’ve screamed out but they had a pistol to my head.   
I was lucky Elliot managed to arrive soon but it felt like centuries… I want to melt or shed out of my skin thinking about it.. Thank god he came, he screamed at the fuckers and threatened them with his rifle as they scrambled off. I was ashamed of myself, pulling my pants back up and having cried. I was so weak.   
It was that night Elliot gave me my kunai, to help me if anything ever happened like that again. I ended up killing Daniel and Terrance later that night with the very same kunai. I made their deaths torturous and slow. Heating my blade in a campfire and cutting off their genitals, slicing them up and left them crying and screaming for the walkers. I watched them get eaten alive with a smile.   
Elliot didn't appreciate what I did and reasonably we were kicked out of the group and on our own ever since then. 

Renee was shook out of her thoughts by a groan and yawn. She whipped her head to the noise, it was just Natalie waking up. Her body felt gross and disgusting after the trip down memory lane but at least the blonde could be a distraction.   
“Hey..” She spoke softly as Nat rubbed her eyes, her hair was a floofy mess and she had a little drool on her cheek as she sat up.   
“Bonjour…” The sleepy girl mumbled back, wiping her cheek with a small blush. Renee forgot she was french sometimes, it was oddly funny to her. Did that make her racist? God Ren what are you thinking just focus.   
“How’d you sleep?” 

Why do you care?

She probably still hates you.

Don’t let down your guard. 

Of course now the voices decide to pipe in, Renee shakes her head but the other girl didn’t notice, pulling her knees to her chest.   
“As well as anyone these days… Another nightmare… I probably won’t sleep again tonight. I could take watch for you, you haven’t slept in a long time.” Natalie looked worried for her, she should’ve said yes, it was touching but… Instead her stomach did somersaults and the hair on the back of her neck stood up as she swallowed back the bile building up in the back of her throat.   
“N-No! I-I mean… No, I'm fine..” Ren mumbled, rubbing her neck and looking away. Nat sighed softly and there was some shuffling and she felt something by her. Looking over, Renee saw Natalie moved to sit by her. The girl never sat too close to either of them and avoided touch heavily, but the small movement made Renee relax a little, even if she stayed on edge.   
“I suppose then I’ll just keep you company.” Nat smiled gently at her before pulling her back over, pulling out some supplies and started tinkering. 

Next morning they set out again, no real destination. They just wandered to the next city, scavenging for food as they were low. Renee blamed herself so much for what happened. 

Raiders or maruraders, whatever you wanted to call them, they were stalking them. Her voices told her she was being followed, but she was so dumb, she thought it was just infected again, sometimes they tell her and its them, but no it was humans. The worst monster.   
They didn’t notice it until her next warning: 

They’re aiming at you

Renee was barely able to warn them, “Get down!” Tackling the two down as a noise cracked like thunder, a bullet hole appearing in the pavement, it would’ve hit Natalie. Speaking of the girl she wiced and covered an ear, digging in her bag. Why didn't she get her crossbow first?! No time to ask, she thought, grabbing her own shotgun as a girl shouted.  
“They’re behind the blue sedan!”   
Elliot cursed loudly, getting his rifle and aiming, shooting at the sniper. She briefly stuck her head up to count. One, two, three… Fuck she counted 10. Who the hell wanders in such a big group?! That's too dangerous but they seemed well enough armed. Another deafening crack and Ren ducked down, narrowly missing the bullet. Natalie stuck two small orange plugs in her ears before getting her weapon, pulling back the string.   
A man tried to walk around the car and shoot them but she cocked her shotgun and fired, the recoil was one hell of a kick but the buckshot hit his entire body, sending him back a bit dismembered, splattering her and the asphalt in blood. Nat winced harder and shut her eyes tightly and dropped the string before she pulled it back all the way. The girl muttered a curse before trying again with shaking hands. What was wrong with her?! Renee cocked her gun again, a shell popping out on the ground. Nat was breathing so heavily as Elliot reached up again to take another shot at the sniper, he was at the trunk of the car to Renee's right as she was near the engine, Nat sat between them. A shot went off to their very right.  
“Fuck!” Elliot dropped down and held his shoulder, he was hit. In anger, Ren rolled over peeking out before rolling again and standing, firing her gun again and shooting the culprit. The woman dropped like a sack of bricks. Renee had to quickly dodge the sniper though, getting her bicep grazed by the bullet. The sniper was on top of a house maybe 90 meters away. She heard the familiar cracks of electricity and stuttered screams. Natalie finally decided to start shooting huh? The blonde had moved away from Elliot behind another car, seemingly further from her and him. Why would she move from him? Her bow took too long to reload and she refused a pistol! Renee reloaded her gun quickly as Elliot tried to fire, cursing when his gun fired and the stock recoiling up against his shoulder. Renee heard a high pitched yelp, someone was trying to grab Natalie, she was struggling to fight them off, Elliot locked eyes with Renee. 

They’re trying to take her!

Hurry   
“Get her! I'll cover you!” He reloaded and fired, picking off two guys and shooting at the sniper again as she sprinted to her, dodging fire as Renee passed by Elliot, punching the person on Natalie as she fought back. Renee was choking him out as Natalie wiggled out of his grasp. 

Elliot!

He’s in danger! 

The voices warn and she turns around to see him and its like everything slowed down. She could almost see the path of the bullet, watching it travel through the air. Right through Elliot’s skull.   
Renee couldn’t breath as his body went limp, not a word, nothing as he slumped down and fell back onto the group. Blood pooling around his head as his eyes stared blankly into the sky, his mouth agape and bits of his brain splattered around. Her mind blanked and she panicked before suddenly being hit in the face and falling back. Her grip must’ve slackened during the whole thing and the guy hit her with the hilt of his gun. Renee’s head spinned as her vision blurred, she felt like she was underwater, barely making out the conversation. 

“Let go of me! Bâtards! Renee! Please!”   
Natalie was begging her but she felt so far away, as Ren was on the ground trying to get her bearings she couldn’t stop staring at Elliot’s corpse before looking over again as she was kicked swiftly in the head, blacking out.


	5. Saving Grace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry Ive been gone for so long, so many personal issues and ive just been all over the place- These next chapters won't be my highest quality and I do apologize but I can't keep pushing them off until I feel like it as I might never get it done so forgive me/notify me of plot holes or if I did a dumb, I am really trying here- again, thank you for being patient!
> 
> ***Warning: Mentioning/Implications of rape.***

Everything hurt. Renee coughed and sputtered. 

Elliot…

Renee choked back a sob, sitting up quickly, her head throbbing in pain as she ignored it. Grabbing her head, she blinked the blurry sleepiness from her eyes, it was getting dark as she crawled to the body. 

“No...N-No… Elliot..” Her voice was raspy as she reached him, the smell was horrendous. His brains were shot out, so he didn’t turn. The blank far off expression was still in his eyes as she coughed, her eyes tearing up. Her first friend in this world… She failed him. Natalie was taken as well. Renee failed them both, she couldn’t bury the body.. 

You failed them both.

Natalie might as well be dead like him.  
You’re a curse. 

No one will love you. 

Let the walkers eat you, you’ll be useful then. 

The voices were ruthless as she cried. Tearing her will and mind apart with each insult. She debated dying herself or running away. 

Stop wasting time and pitying yourself. Pull yourself together. Natalie needs you, idiot. Get up, get ready, and prove your worth. Save Natalie. We will guide you. 

That’s right… She still had a chance. She could be useful. He’d want her to save Nat. Elliot will not die in vain. No, no she will find Nat, and she will protect her with her life. For Elliot. For her… 

Renee’s hands shook as she pried his gun from his cold dead hands. She felt like she was going to be sick… Taking deep breaths, Renee continued, grabbing what was useful before using her hand to close his eyes. She stood and grabbed a match box. She struggled a few times before getting a flame, closing her eyes as she dropped the lit match onto her body. Her chest shook with each sob, the smell of burning flesh and hair would be forever burned in her mind. No more mourning. Over where Natalie was taken, her crossbow was dropped on the ground with her quiver. She took that too, slipping it over her shoulder. Renee was carrying so much already, it was heavy but she endured. She had to find Natalie. They better pray to their God, as she will show no mercy. Not one person will escape or live under her wrath. 

The voices kept their promise, leading Renee through the night. In her reckless rage she did kill any walker that came in her path, ignoring the rotten flesh and maggot ridden bodies. She slaughtered each one with her kunai. She shouldn’t have wasted so much time, but she couldn’t stop it. If only Renee was faster.. If only she stopped them.. So many ifs…

It took her awhile before Renee reached their hideout. Her calves burned while her lungs ached. But she wasn’t done. This had to be done quietly. Renee debated using the crossbow, but she wasn’t sure how it worked.. Plan B. Kunai them all to death. There were guards and spotlights. Renee will hunt them down one by one, but spare the women and children. Unless they attack, then no mercy. 

Her plan wasn’t easy, she almost slipped up. They had a base in an abandoned shopping mart. It wasn’t huge, but damn it was defendable. Renee stuck to the shadows, stepping quietly with calculated moves. Shockingly, the voices were more active, warning her if someone was coming or if the kill was safe. Where to move and how to navigate. Renee didn’t know how many she killed, but the bodies kept dropping. At this point she was close to the walls of the mart, huge concrete ranging up so high as she walked along near the back before hearing a high pitched scream, her hair rising on ends. 

That was Natalie, hurry! 

Renee fastened her pace, distracting a guard at the door before shanking him in the back, covering his mouth to prevent a scream. She didn’t have time to look over and scavenge, the guy wasn’t even that old. Renee ignored that point and slipped in, hearing muffled grunts and some noise. She walked through the empty isles, trying to navigate where the noise was from. Avoiding bottled and taking quiet steps on the tiles, finally finding the back rooms and walking through, the noise getting louder. It… Sounded like female grunting and something being hit. Slowly she walked to the door, carefully opening it with her hand on her pistol. 

Renee could’ve never guessed what she saw. 

Natalie was shaking, sitting on top of what Renee assumed used to be a man, Nat was… nude.. Stripped of her clothing as she cried. Renee used the term “used to” as his head was smashed to bits. Natalie kept bashing the pile of flesh and blood with a broken brick. It wasn’t hard to tell that it used to be fully intact. Renee felt her stomach churn at the sight, she was used to gore but it was horrific. She didn’t think someone like Natalie would do something like that until the full scene was registered. 

The man’s pants were unzipped. He was going to rape her. That enraged Renee as well as it filled her with sympathy, quietly and slowly she walked forward to not startle her. 

Renee spoke in a low soft voice, “Natalie-” 

The blonde whipped around to the sound of her voice, almost hitting Renee with the brick until Renee held her arms to prevent her. Natalie was a lot stronger than she seemed. The girl was splattered with blood and bits of skin and brain as she struggled, her eyes wide with fear, looking like terrified prey. Renee disarmed her and held her face tightly. 

“Hey, hey, it’s me. Shh..” Natalie blinked, her eyes still wide as it looked like she saw her for the first time before tightly hugging her, sobbing into Renee’s chest. The older woman didn’t expect the hug, awkwardly moving her arms to hug her back before remembering Nat’s lack of clothes. Renee’s face burned as she turned her head. They were both girls, why did it matter?! Ugh god, pull yourself together Renee, she just bashed someone’s skull in with just a brick. 

“H-He just… Ren-Renee I..” Her words were choked with sobs, unable to speak as she kept gasping for air. “O-Oh god.. Elliot...He…” Natalie sobbed louder, Renee awkwardly patting her back as she tried to comfort her. 

“H-Hey… It’s okay… I’m here. I won’t let anyone else hurt you okay?” Renee took the blonde’s face in her hands and held her tightly and made her look her in the eyes, wiping some blood from her cheek along with her tears. Nat held her wrists tightly. “Deep breaths okay? I won’t hurt you. Never, I swear by it. Let’s get dressed, I'll guard you.” Natalie took some breaths before realizing that fact, yes indeed she was nude. In a flustered movement she covered herself as Renee turned away. Natalie’s clothes were in aheap in the corner, quickly changing as Renee's head went to the gutter, making her flush and scowl, the voices were not helping. 

‘She just went through traumatic sexual assault. Stop being like this.’ Renee thought quietly to herself. 

Didn’t say you have to do anything. You are her knight in bloody armor- 

Is it illegal to have thoughts? 

‘I fucking hate you guys. She saved herself!’ 

Can’t lie. Girls covered in blood are hot. 

Renee was blushing as she shook her head, jumping when Natalie tapped her shoulder. Nat softly smiled, she was back in her hoodie. 

“Can I have my bow back?” 

The girl was still flustered as Renee fumbled to give back her crossbow and quiver. Natalie thanked her. 

“Know where your stuff went?” 

“Oui, but before we go… ” Natalie mumbled, messing her with fingers, they were a little scratched and raw from using the brick. 

"Yeah?" 

"I…." Natalie hesitated her words, biting her tongue. "Merci- I-I…. I mean thank you.." She muttered out, holding her backpack tightly. Renee looked at her questioningly, but said nothing, holding out her hand. 

"Come on, someone is gonna find us. Let's go alright? I swear, I'll keep you safe." Natalie looked up at Renee with those big blue eyes, and everything felt a bit better in the world as Renee smiled at her for the first time. She hasn't smiled even before the outbreak.   
Maybe everything will be okay. 

But all good things eventually end...


	6. Sergeant to you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im sorry if these next two chapters specifically arent good, I was in and out with writing them but I am not sure how well written out they are, give me your thoughts, let me know

Three weeks after the outbreak.

Gunshots. Shouting. They never stopped. My entire squad, the men- my brothers and sisters I was supposed to lead. They kept dropping. The things… Fuckin monsters kept coming. So many of my own.. So many of my men I had to put down before they turned. It all left such a bitter taste of bile in my mouth. The army was beyond spread thin, more and more urgent calls of help, more and more citizens begging for help. They wanted me to save them, they begged to be let into the safe zones. So many children… So many people were crying and pleading. I had to execute parents in front of their children. I nearly broke when I was forced to… I had to kill a baby. It… It was infected… The comments and hate. God it was getting to me… 

It was fucking torture. The desperate people wanting to live, everyone wanting to be free of those sick fucks. I was losing it. I couldn't cry, I couldn't break as much as I wanted to. I was to lead my squad. But everything.. It was manageable in this hellish earth. Everything was survivable until the gates were overrun. 

The people were fed up, some on the outside managed to get a truck and ran it through. Our gates weren't good, they were quick and messy and they tore it off its hinges. Of course it made so much noise the infected joined the bloodbath. One by one her men fell. Not just the fucking outsiders and infected, no everyone had to want to kill the army. They all just hated them so of course it was an excuse to rise up. 

I ran to cover as the fire reined. The hordes ran in, their feral growls and screaming of people falling. The smell of blood was thick in the air, molotovs were thrown as well. I barely missed a grenade going off. Fuck, they got into the armory! Not like there was much left but there were too many dangerous explosives left, ones we never had to use but they got to have a joyride with. I did the most cowardly move yet. It hurt me more than any wound ever would. 

I ran. 

I left what was left of my squad. I abandoned my post and the people left. And I hated every second of it. Every minute of me escaping and each breath I took. It was disgusting. I hated myself. I still fucking hate myself for it. I got what I deserved though, another grenade landed next to me, all I could do was stare as it went off, shrapnel lodging in my thigh and back, cutting my leg to hell. The knock back threw me against a brick building, rocks and broken glass littered the pavement, my head bounced off the concrete and it all went black. 

Anita groaned heavily, everything ached. Somehow she wasn't fucked up all the way. With her head pounding like hell and her leg throbbing, Anita barely rolled onto her back without nearly screaming. Fire and smoke was still everywhere. The city in bigger ruins than before, blood was still the heaviest scent although its most likely her own. Already from the small movement her face was beaded with sweat, her entire body either stung or throbbed. Yeah this was gonna be fun. 

Gritting her teeth tightly, she forced herself up, biting her tongue again to prevent crying out in pain. Anita refused to cry even after trying to stand, her thigh screamed in pain as she nearly fell, stumbling around and shifting her weight. So a lot of shrapnel was in her right thigh and calf, about 3 bullets in her pistol, and a combat knife. Leaning against a wall, she took the knife and cut her shirt, a large enough piece to cover the largest wound on her thigh, a long jagged piece of metal was impaled in the side. It was maybe the size of her hand? Jesus she was fucked. Of course Anita thought about pulling it out but that would've been fruitless, she had nothing to treat it. She only allowed low grunts of pain as she tied it tightly, sighing breathlessly from so much painful effort. 

In the alleyway she limped in pain, making it to the street and staying out in the shadows. It was early dawn, the attack ranging around midnight. How she wasn't eaten alive, she didn't know, those infected smelled blood. She was sent here not even a week ago, she doesn't know this city nor its layout. She'd check the bare ruins of the "safezone" but that's useless now everything of use was gone. 

Anita knew she didn't have long before the blood loss killed her. That or one of those things, and in her low point she debated whether or not to just end it now. She had more than enough bullets. No. Can't sink that low. She had a family to find. Her brothers, were they okay? Did they make it out safe? Fuck, her parents.. Anita couldn't die. Not yet. She scowled at her own selfish thinking, taking a deep breath as she forced herself to continue walking. She did everything she could to stand up tall, keeping her chin up as much as she could. Walking on even though her head felt fuzzy with her throat dry from smoke. She was Sergeant A. Williams, and she must live. Anita didn't fight all her life to die by her own hand from giving up. 

Anita almost didn't see the infected in time. Her eyesight was beyond blurry as she neared the hospital, there had to be some supplies maybe to help her. The movement is what got her, seeing the things limp towards her as well. The only thing is she didn't have enough time to pull her knife, being knocked down through a glass door of a shop as it tried to eat her.   
"Get… off!" Anita growled, using her arm to keep it off. Kicking it with her good leg weakly and shoving it off as she scooted back, groping her waist for her gun but someone did the job for her. They shot it's head with a silencer, a smart move to not alert any others. 

The person standing in front of her was short, Anita had to blink rapidly to even see them from the dim lighting. The most she made out was large cargo pants and two buns on their head, they were feminine at least from the sound of their voice as they- (she?) looked over Anita and crouched down by her, barely missing a wild swipe of her knife. 

"Woah, calm down now would ya? Impressive fight for yuh wounds." The girl was younger by her looks, gently touching Williams body, who in turn, tried to back up and swipe her off, groaning in pain as she clenched her teeth. The girl held her hands up in surrender. "I get ya hesitation, but I'm a doctor. Call me Ajay, Ms-" Ajay scanned her body, scowling at the uniform. "Army huh? Williams eh?" Anita groaned and rolled her head. 

"If you fucking...have a problem… Then fucking...kill me." She breathed out, clutching her leg, the blood already seeped through her sorry excuse of a bandage, her abs bloodied and scraped, exposed from where she cut her shirt. The doctor rolled her eyes. 

"Not doin that to yuh. Ya got a chance, and yuh skilled fighter." She nodded her head to the direction of the destroyed safezone. "That yuh encampment over there?" 

"Why do you care." Anita gritted through her teeth, she had to be tough and intimidating. She had to live. 

"Yuh alone too then.. I need ya. Yuh have trainin. I can fix yuh up. We work together. Deal?" Ajay raised an eyebrow still crouched over her, Anita almost answered before things went blurry as her eyes rolled back, her body becoming limp as she collapsed fully, hearing the fading of the voice of the girl. "Shit! No stay with me, Williams!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wowsers! Not nat or renee? dont worry they'll be back, let the lesbians rest uwu  
> (Also sorry this and the next chapter are short (i think?) again been off so you get back to back chapters! really sorrry about my bad posting schedule thank you for staying in tune still!)


	7. Bleeding out

God what was I doing? The bodies kept adding up. Day by day there were hundreds. There was just no name for this virus. I had to keep lying to their families. They wanted to know what was wrong with their aunt, uncle, daughter, father, just everyone was sick. They bit people for crying out loud! This wasn't any normal sickness, I wasn't taught how to treat any of this shit! I pulled myself out of the patient's room. Their heart rate flatlined. And now they had to result in unprofessional methods of stabbing the patient in the head. It just seemed to stop them from coming back. Another mark for them to go to the cremation. That's how they dealt with the bodies. They burned them to stop them. The smell made me so sick each time. There wasn't any control of the disease. Just lies to the families. So many families and kids were so hopeful when I came back with news, it hurt so much knowing that their family was burned to ashes. And I told them they're fine. They were gonna be here longer is all. It hurt so much. 

The world was already shit. People were hoping for a cure. This outpost was supposed to be the best. It has been maybe 3 weeks since this all started. The military were expecting the doctors to make a cure, the truth was? It kept mutating. There was no way to cure it. 

The government said they'd keep them safe but it turns out that was a lie too. The soldiers were unfair and abused their positions, those who came in that weren't sick were beaten to near death by either other people or the soldiers. It was hell everywhere you looked. Supplies running out, doctors dying as well as nurses. But what really destroyed the base was the military ditching them when things went overrun. They left the doctors and innocent people to die. 

Ajay bit her lip, gasping for air as she dropped the heavy body. She hated the girl, it was another soldier. But right now she wasn't going to make it on her own. And the truth was? Ajay wanted to save someone. She could treat this girl, and maybe be worth a damn. She really could use her, and if she didn't comply? Well… Ajay would have to make her comply. Slowly she managed to get the body to her hideout. Yeah it was in another hospital, but she managed to find an area where not everything was stolen and pretty defend-able. It'd actually be nice to have someone to talk to now. 

Ajay cursed under her breath as she lifted the girl onto a bed. Williams was pale and not doing great obviously, there weren't any blood bags so she could only do the best with patching her up. The woman had a will to live for sure, if she held on Ajay could save her. Cleaning her tools and setting up a light, she cut off the remainder of the bloodstained shirt and pants, pulling off the boots as well. She forced herself to focus, cutting off the bandages. It was sloppy work, but impressive for her situation. 

Ajay did what she could to make it less painful, pulling out all the shrapnel and glass pieces that wedged themselves into her skin. It was long, difficult work. In a sadistic and terrible way, she enjoyed it. She had something to do, she didn't have the time to think of her impending doom and breakdown from loneliness and how much longer she could hold out. It was just peaceful in a way, stressful as well as she needed the girl alive. 

Once or twice her patient, Williams, groaned in pain or murmured in her sleep, still sweating bullets. The woman must be beyond dehydration, Ajay had some water to spare right? Well if not maybe they could adventure together, that is if she's even in good shape. Using a mixture of super glue, stitches, leftover clean sheets, and duct tape, Ajay managed to bandage her up. 

It wasn't her best work, but the wounds were clean thoroughly and hell it was impressive work for what she had. Ajay sighed and sat down, looking over her supplies, yeah she had a enough for two, but it wasn't going to last. Biting her lip she looked at the woman again. Sergeant Hard-ass wasn't the worse looking to be clear… Great. Ajay must really be getting desperate, but at least she had someone to work with. The girl was near full muscle, she really put in her time for sure, hard defined abs and muscular arms, good powerful thighs. Oh yeah this will be a lot easier. 

Now the real question was will she wake up…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> REAAALLY SORRY if i fail Ajay's accent I beg for help if you see anything wrong, please comment help if you have any! I'm doing my best so forgive me ;-;   
> jesus sorry with short chapters too, I promise I'm getting back into my groove! hhhhhhh please enjoy
> 
> (Don't worry, our girls are back after a nice rest, I'll adjust the chapter posting in the next three chapters!)


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